“People who help people remind me of you…”
A really good old friend said this to me the other night. We hadn’t spoken in a while; in fact it’s been such a while I didn’t realize he’d moved out of town to the mainland months ago. The catching up, and the comment couldn’t have come at a better time. Lars and I are learning to think in matters of our ‘self-esteem banks,’ and lately my bank has been taking a hit and was nearing empty. I’ve had my fair share of dark, depressing, even suicidal thoughts lately. In the heat of Lars’ and my most recent explosion, I made a few new mistakes, burned bridges with a few of his friends who now choose not to forgive me – which is within their right to do.
I’ve been so busy studying lately I haven’t had a chance to journal. I am writing more than I’m typing these days, and I’ve learned more than I ever thought possible for such a short time period. I’m in the top of my class and am struggling to stay there. This means I go to school all day on weekdays and then I study all night and every weekend. I rarely take time off. Lars and Martin deal with the housework and food throughout the week.
There’s not a moment of my life these days that doesn’t feel busy. Even while I dream, I dream in terms three weeks ago I knew nothing about; I see bones and muscles I never knew I cared existed; and when I drink wine or watch TV to relax, I do it with an anatomical coloring book in front of me, while repeating words like “flexor digitorum profoundes” to make sure I can remember them and can pronounce them. I am genuinely busy.
I was less than a hair away from being named this apparently. At least this is what Ed told me when we met last month. Christmas Snow was the name both he and my mother had agreed upon, right up until my delivery when mom changed her mind and decided I was going to be Chrystal… And apparently, Ed wanted Chrystal to be spelled with a K. My mom chuckled at him, as he saw otherwise on my birth certificate. For both these reasons, I suppose I am thankful Ed wasn’t around to sign my birth certificate.
Yesterday, I met Ed. It was awkward at first, then we all got drunk. He was quick to make it clear he didn't like me calling him Ed, and when I refused to call him dad he settled on, "Mr. Ladouceur". Had I been sober, I'd probably have walked away right then and there. Instead, I sarcastically and deliberately referred to him as Mister Ladouceur many times throughout the evening and in return he called me Miss Ladouceur.
My niece Alyssa Violet Anne Healey was born at Victoria General Hospital, on July 14th at 10:33pm. She weighed 9.5 lbs and was 22 inches long. I was blessed enough to be there before, during and after the delivery. This little girl is stunning. I was thrilled to have welcomed her as one of the first few people to meet her as she came into our world!
We spent yesterday evening on the Seadoo catching crab again. It was our first real big catch of the season – taking home four large Dungeness & one Rock Crab. It would have been two Rock Crabs but the second one got a hold of Lars’ thumb and was flung back into the water. Those fuckers can cause serious damage if they get the upper hand. Lars is just fine… The crab however, won that round.
If I understood the story correctly, the falling out between my sisters Renee and Amanda started with Renee not being able to make the multi-hour drive to Amanda’s baby shower and Amanda deciding “I want you to be a part of my party so badly that if you can’t make it for these few hours, I don’t want you in my life at all”. This mentality is immature and absurdly stupid – so stupid I imagine that even Amanda would deny her motivations being such.