“People who help people remind me of you…”
A really good old friend said this to me the other night. We hadn’t spoken in a while; in fact it’s been such a while I didn’t realize he’d moved out of town to the mainland months ago. The catching up, and the comment couldn’t have come at a better time. Lars and I are learning to think in matters of our ‘self-esteem banks,’ and lately my bank has been taking a hit and was nearing empty. I’ve had my fair share of dark, depressing, even suicidal thoughts lately. In the heat of Lars’ and my most recent explosion, I made a few new mistakes, burned bridges with a few of his friends who now choose not to forgive me – which is within their right to do.
The Definition: http://www.cba.org/bc/public_media/rights/240.aspx
My favorite parts are:
"1. Truth or justification
A statement may hurt your reputation, but if it is true, anyone who says it has a valid defence if you sue them for defamation."
I’ve been so busy studying lately I haven’t had a chance to journal. I am writing more than I’m typing these days, and I’ve learned more than I ever thought possible for such a short time period. I’m in the top of my class and am struggling to stay there. This means I go to school all day on weekdays and then I study all night and every weekend. I rarely take time off. Lars and Martin deal with the housework and food throughout the week.
The first week of school is done. It’s harder, more in-depth, and quicker paced than I was expecting. I’ve found myself in quite the sour mood today, as a result, I’m sure. My head hurts and at various moments I’ve felt this incredible urge to start crying for no real apparent reason today. I am not PMSing. I do not like being without knowledge. I do like not being in control.
Yesterday, Lars and I spent the morning breaking in Dennis' new Seadoo on Snow Lake. Lars took me down a creek at the end of the lake, full of reeds and wildlife, where we saw a Beaver Lodge. Martin has corrected us on the term as we'd be referring them to Beaver Houses, God forbid! We sucked in some weeds and Lars had to take a swim to clean the engine out before we could head home. Photos will come! We ate lunch at the Golf Club (which was more like a concession stand), came home for a nap (this is a sleepy town), had a great homecooked-by-Ester dinner, and then went for a dusk drive to see what animals we could spot. I can now add to my wild animal list:
Yesterday, I met Ed. It was awkward at first, then we all got drunk. He was quick to make it clear he didn't like me calling him Ed, and when I refused to call him dad he settled on, "Mr. Ladouceur". Had I been sober, I'd probably have walked away right then and there. Instead, I sarcastically and deliberately referred to him as Mister Ladouceur many times throughout the evening and in return he called me Miss Ladouceur.
I just cannot get my days right it seems. For some reason, I have been off since the start of this trip. We arrived a day early though I thought we were running late, and I keep thinking we're leaving a day later than we actually have planned. We are not leaving early morning Sunday. We are leaving Saturday. This means we have a whole lot of stuff to fit into a lot less time; and neither Lars nor I are looking forward to the drive out.